I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
