Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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