Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
