i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
