i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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