we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
