the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
