god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
