apparently the secret to your success is patron
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my shit smells like andre
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize