Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
