Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
