He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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