woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
