We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
