Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
