Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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