They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
