oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
