I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
