After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
