New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
