so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
