I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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