True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
