U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
