I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Drunk is a universal language darling
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
