i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
