she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize