I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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