OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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