there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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