I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
