fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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