all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
