to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
