Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
