She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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