so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
