I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
