I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
