Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
