I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
