sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
