I'm going to jail i love you
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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