Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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