Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
