It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
