I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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