p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize