He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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