Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
