i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
