Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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