Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i think i have herpe
just one?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
