dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
