Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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