Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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