I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
