I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
false alarm, still single
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize