Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
