Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
