I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
