i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
