does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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