You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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