just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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