I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize