I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
