two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
did i just pee glitter
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
