Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
