i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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