I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
