my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
