I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
