And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
