I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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