She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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