in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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