HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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