My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
These tits shall not be calmed
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