I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
operation harelip BJ is a go
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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