Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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