After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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