Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
