bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
