i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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