you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
