I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Damn victory sex feels great
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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