i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
