$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize