Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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