we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
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