Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
why is half of my head shaved?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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